All Posts

august 26, 2024 my feelings like to play camouflage on the walls of my mind. they used to walk through the door, settle into their favorite chair and light a candle. the scent of that candle would carry through the room, the halls and home of my mind and i would know, that they had arrived. sometimes the scent would sneak up on me in the middle of teaching my first graders or vacuuming my house in the middle of a sunday reset. but now, my feelings, my fear. she sneaks in when

august 02, 2024 hi. i’ve been so scared to introduce myself here, to explain what i’m doing here, to give a narrative to it. i’ve been scared to start and to fulfill an expectation that i’ve had of myself but have been ignoring. i love to write, and like many others here, i’ve been doing it all my life. but the truth is, that starting this substack and opening up this space, means something. it feels like accepting the person i’ve always known myself to be. and it feels like

july 11, 2024 three dads building castles in the sand and throwing their children’s toys in the ocean i see a teenage girl walking along the beach listening to her ipod. i imagine she’s listening to hilary duff “so yesterday, so yesterday…haven’t you heard that i’m going to be okay…” there are women in baseball hats to keep the sun out of their faces and men who should be wearing baseball hats to keep the red out of their faces there are husbands taking pictures of their wive

june 27, 2024 i can smell honeysuckle on my walks the walks around my childhood neighborhood the flavor of my childhood memories i can hear my friend giggling as i bring the stem of one to my lips eyebrows raised in surprise i hear the bees buzzing and us squealing as we run through the soccer fields i can smell the honeysuckle on my walks the walks i made myself go on seeking healing and security in repetition the walks i take to beckon and coax myself from hiding wherever i

june 17, 2024 i’m in a rush. it was three years ago and i was driving home from work. the teaching day had been long and hard and on my way i was on the phone with a friend describing the life i have now. “i want to sleep until i can’t sleep anymore. and i want to play video games, and write omg i just wanna sit down and hear my own thoughts.” and now i’m here three years later and i hear all of my thoughts, are consumed by my thoughts, am being held back by my thoughts. duri