in my father's sweater

november 25, 2024

receiving the love that you could feel in your bones, in my childhood home didn’t happen and when i asked for it i was told i was asking for too much. i didn’t realize until much much later that there is a massive hole in my heart where the love of my parents should have been all along. and my whole life i have been on a journey to fill it…one day i will, one day i won’t notice it anymore.

this sweater belonged to my father

this sweater is my father’s

it is not my father’s it is mine

and when i wear it,

i pretend

to wrap myself

in the love that he could not

give me

when i wear it

i pretend to be the girl

who’s father calls her

to ask how she’s doing

and asks about the latest

tea from the friend group

who picks her up for lunch

in between clients

when i wear this sweater

i’m the daughter

with the father

who arranges for us to

go to a football game

because why yell at the screen when

you could yell at the field

in this sweater

my father and i might

argue

but we always make up

exchanging

i’m sorrys and i love yous

with this sweater on my back

i’m the girl who trusts her father

and in whose presence

i feel safe

in this sweater

i am the girl who receives

the love she deserves.

m.