we're operating under the honor system yall

november 26, 2024

i just enabled the paid subscriber option on my publication a month ago. and in true “scared and afraid” makhela fashion, i said nothing about it. “anyone new signing up will see it and they can decide,” i convinced myself. going paid was more about participating in a different narrative than anything else really, at least at the time. my conditioning, ego and fear were all gathered in the background of my mind telling me it wasn’t a good idea and that once again one cannot be financially supported doing what one loves to do. so i stuck my tongue out in their direction and pressed the button. (all the articles i’ve read about it by the way said it’s something you should wait to do until you already have x amount of subscribers, which i don’t *winky face*)

can i just say, it’s a lot of mental effort to be going against the grain on so many things. when i quit my job i immediately got into manifesting. had a whole ass life coach (who was absolutely amazing by the way). i figured if i could conquer the limitations in my mind, open up myself to possibility and a mindset that was based in abundance and not scarcity, that that would be a much better use of my time, than killing myself at another 9-5.

since i’ve gone paid i’ve thought long and hard about what i want it to look like. one of those, act now, work out the details later type things. i thought about adding voiceovers to all of my posts, i already like recording and editing voiceovers so that’s easy. and then i could promise an extra post a month just for the paid subscribers. the thing is, the older i get and the farther along on this journey i get i realize i’m not keen on a lot of these systems we have in place. i see the business model, i see how it’s effective for others. and maybe i’ll get on board later but right now, none of it feels in alignment with who i am and who i am becoming.

i’m working on an essay that goes into more detail but the truth is that while i may not consider myself a christian anymore. my journey to manifesting the life i want is a massive journey of faith. believing even when i can’t see. being delusional enough to know that no matter how things look, i’m always moving in the right direction and everything i want, need, and desire will come to fruition eventually.

and putting myself into this system, into this business model, means that it becomes just another variation of work, and i’ve never dreamed of working. of beholding to someone or something just because i see it as the only way to survive. i’ve heard a few others talk about their journey manifesting their dream of getting paid and receiving financial support to just be. and as soon as that’s said it’s quickly followed up with, “but right now i need coin and so i’ll be doing xyz (insert some from of participating in capitalism). personally, i’m at a point in my journey where i feel courageous enough to trust the universe with my big dreams and my light bill that’s due in two weeks. if i believe that all of my dreams come true and everything manifests and unfolds as it's supposed to. then i also believe that the universe is going to help and support me, with every small step it takes to get there.

so, officially, refined ink is still paid but the paying is more so donation. think of the fruit and veggie stands you might see in the countryside with signs of "this is the honor system, zucchini is $2, oranges are .50, leave the cash in the envelope, have a good day!”

all of my work will be available and visible to everyone. i’m doing this not because i don’t think my work is worth attaching a monetary number to it (because it is, i’m fucking fantastic with how i write) but because whatever i receive, will be from the heart and not another transaction of capitalism. and it will be the most obvious affirmation i might ever get from the universe that i am seen and supported. i’m itching for another miracle y’all, itching for another “that’s not supposed to work out…but somehow it is.” i’ve been happily unemployed for two and a half years and the money just finds me and i’m looking for another story like that. i’ve been doing the opposite of what’s “normal” for a while now and i see no reason to stop.

in this way, i remain free to be, free to ebb and flow, and so do you, and so does my writing.

thank you for being here, for supporting my work with a like, a comment, or a subscription. i’m just grateful to be here, grateful to finally be the person who gets up to write and be creative every day. living one of my many dreams. a year and a half ago i was worried sick if i’d ever get through my mental barriers to get to this place. so to my 28-year-old self, be easy my love, we make it. 🤍